Strawberry Dreams!

When I was younger, I always had a ready list of frivolous things to buy. I was a reasonable enough kid to know that it did not make sense to ask my parents to buy those things for me. But there was always this private promise to myself that I would buy those things when I made my own money and was hence was more deserving.

Now I am older, not ultra rich but I make my own money and can buy those things. But the operative word is older now. Old enough to see many other things that I should be buying instead. Old enough to know that I don't like the item so much anymore. Old enough to know that I won't like the item forever.

As we go through life.. there are things that we discard .................memories, friends, habits (good and bad) and our frivolous selves. When do we end up?

What Weighs Me Down

Had this vivid dream where I was sure of what would make me happy.

I wanted to release a balloon from the top of the big ferris wheel. To watch the balloon go up and up in the sky .... how spectacular.. and exciting (imagine what worlds it will see and go to!)

Then as I was holding the balloon and on the bus to the ferris wheel. I realised it was an impossible dream (within a dream, this is quite a feat for me. I am very good at irrational rationalisation in my dreams.) First, the ferris wheel has closed compartments, hence I would not be able to let it fly. Secondly, I remembered an article I read that such balloons are threats to the environment (yes, I am an environmentalist in dreamland). So it was deemed impossible in my dream.

Was thinking about this today.

I could go to the top of a tall building.

Just one balloon will not push the world into ecological destruction.

But I am not sure where I can get a helium filled balloon.

And whether I would be able to let go of it when the time comes.

Art Inspiration Beauty

2 conversations about art, inspiration and beauty these 2 days.

I show a designer (first time in Singapore) the Singapore skyline. He is immediately captivated by one building and keeps asking me about it.

What is interesting is that the building he likes is not one of the usual suspects but the little known Singtel building at the side. Who designed it he asks. Why the metal pillars. I am unable to answer as my eyes, after many years of sweeping that scene, tend to focus on the centrepieces.

I then wonder what it means to be an artist. Is it the pursuit of understanding by another? If so, by one or many? By the one who matters or anyone? There are those pieces that art critics argue about, writing many pages of critique. But as an artist, would you be happier if an untrained eye fixes on it and says the 'I like it'? To be understood is perhaps an artist's greatest tragedy and fulfilment.

A second conversation where someone tells me that there is no inspiration to be had in Singapore. No open fields,vast landscapes to find oneself. But I find it strange. Surely there are sentiments that can be expressed. Surely there must be someone in a concrete jungle who can identify with those sentiments.

Otherwise, we are all lonely people.

I Don't Care

You always think that there are things you don't care about anymore.
The sick, the old, the weak, the young, the mistreated and even the well being of those around you and what they think of you. You can care but not too much or you cannot function anymore.. those emotions kill you bit by bit as much as they humanize you. Then you turn a corner and are confronted by how much you are a part of it all. And you silently wish... your caring makes a difference.

What Can Change

" But what is in the past remains unchanged, doesn't it? "

" I think it does change. The present changes the past. Looking back you do not find what you left behind."

- Kiran Desai 'The Inheritance of Loss'

No Need

' No.'
Amy Carter (President Jimmy Carter's daughter) ,when asked by a reporter if she had any message for the children of America